Clint Murphy  00:10

You think you’re the star in other people’s movies, but in reality, you’re an extra in their movie at best. 

Clint Murphy  00:18

The spotlight effect is something that has always fascinated me. Let me tell you more about it. It’s a social psychology phenomenon where you overestimate how much others pay attention to your appearance or your behaviors. 

Clint Murphy  00:33

In other words, you always feel like you’re in the spotlight. It leads to some challenges, social anxiety, fear of judgment, missed opportunities, and poor spending habits. 

Clint Murphy  00:48

When you think you’re in the spotlight. You’re worried about what people will see. Have I gained weight? Did I get a bad haircut? Do my feet smell today? Did they notice the mistake I made?

Clint Murphy  01:03

You start to dissect your appearance and behavior in a way that challenges your ability to function on a daily basis. It leads to fear of judgment and social anxiety. 

Clint Murphy  01:15

Let’s talk about two specific areas where the spotlight effect can really challenge you. Missed opportunities and poor spending habits.

Clint Murphy  01:24

For missed opportunities. When you develop social anxiety and fear of judgment, you’re less likely to put yourself in situations where you can fail or be judged. 

Clint Murphy  01:35

If you’re afraid of failing and being judged you’ll miss opportunities to succeed. Failure is the stairway to success. Failures are the stairs you’ll climb when you’re trying to reach success. When you’re willing to learn from the loss and keep going. 

Clint Murphy  01:54

Ask yourself this why did I fail? What can I change? How will it work differently next time. After you answer these questions, go again, repeat it, don’t worry. Nobody is actually watching you. 

Clint Murphy  02:09

Poor spending habits. How many of your poor financial decisions are made to impress other people. Think about it, new car, fancy watch designer clothes, expensive vacations, the beach vacation house. 

Clint Murphy  02:25

When you think people are studying your every move, you’re more likely to behave in a way to impress those people. In reality, they don’t notice you They barely notice what you’re wasting your money on. 

Clint Murphy  02:37

Of all the areas of the spotlight effect that captivate me the most. Spending habits is the key because too many people are spending to keep up with the Joneses. To look good on Instagram. to look great on Facebook, to share their new purchases on social media. 

Clint Murphy  02:57

They’re showing people the front of state, not realizing the debt, the interest payments that are happening behind the curtain. And that’s what I want to highlight to you the most. How the spotlight effect impacts your purchasing and your debt. 

Clint Murphy  03:14

One reason you suffer from the spotlight effect is you’re more likely to notice when your appearance or behavior is different from usual and you expect others to notice it as well. The fun part is we’re all living with the spotlight effect.

Clint Murphy  03:28

The person you’re worried about judging you is worried about you judging them. Fortunately, once you’re aware of the spotlight effect, it can be easy to deal with it. 

Clint Murphy  03:38

Here are some strategies. Number one, awareness. Magical, like most challenges in your life, you can’t change what you aren’t aware of. Once you’re aware of the spotlight effect you can proactively take steps to minimize its power over you. 

Clint Murphy  03:52

For example, self distancing and external feedback. Instead of thinking about how other people see you, attempt to look at yourself from a perspective different from yours. Put yourself in the shoes of someone else you know, or try to see yourself from an general external perspective. 

Clint Murphy  04:11

If you’re taking another person’s perspective and you’re finding it challenging, you can ask others for their perspective. If you’re worried about others noticing something about you. You can ask someone you trust how noticeable it is. 

Clint Murphy  04:23

Here’s one I love, practice stoic techniques. The stoics knew about the spotlight effect. They had a simple way to deal with it, face it head on. To learn to deal with the fear of being laughed at they put themselves in a position to be laughed at. To deal with the fear of embarrassment. stoics would purposely wear ugly clothes in public to teach themselves not to be ashamed if people stared at them. It would simply teach them it doesn’t matter what others think. Only what they think.

Clint Murphy  04:55

It’s why the older I get the more this quote from Marcus Aurelius really resonates with me: “the tranquility that comes when you stop caring what they say or think or do. Only what you do.

Clint Murphy  05:10

“That is recognizing that the spotlight doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is the light you shine on yourself and how you decide to behave, and how you decide to live up to your values and your beliefs. 

Clint Murphy  05:26

Next time you worry about what other people think of you remember, they aren’t thinking about you. Until next time.

Clint Murphy  05:38

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