Clint Murphy  00:00

John, welcome to the growth guide. I’m going to start us off with a bit of a longer question about your book QBQ. And it ties to the the older I get, the more I’ve noticed that there seems to be a lack of personal responsibility and ownership in business and society in the workplace in the more I see a sense of entitlement, which is why a post that I saw on LinkedIn about your book, QBQ, really jumped out at me. And then in the first few pages, I read about a sign that you saw over the Houston freeway. Can you tell us what the sign said? And why did that jump out at you so much? 

John G. Miller  00:49

Thank you, Clint. Probably because of my experience, I had been selling leadership and management training in Minneapolis, St. Paul, Minnesota for several years when I saw the sign down in Houston. And the sign simply said, Whatever happened a personal responsibility. And I wanted to yell, amen to that, because that’s exactly what I’d seen in my work with organizations. And I’ve discovered, I discovered by them that there was a lot of blame and finger pointing going on, and organizations needed a lot of help. Now, what we teach is for personal use people, but you know, people make up organizations. So what I teach is something that organizations benefit from, but it begins with cleanse. And it begins with John practicing this message. And that jumped out at me, I think, because I’ve done all this management training, facilitating, like 10,000 hours of workshops with really good people. And I saw a real lack of true accountability. 

Clint Murphy  01:45

And I love that you had another lesson on what I believe was a separate road trip when you stopped in at a diner to get a meal. And a young man, Jacob Miller, no relation, I think, no really provided you with a level of service that was out of this world and demonstrated all the aspects of personal responsibility. What was it about that meal, that relationship that you saw from Jacob, that was so different than what we see on average today? 

John G. Miller  02:19

Sure. Well, let me just tell the story, the method that we call QBQ or the question behind the question is all about asking questions that raise me up to a level of personal accountability and get me out of that blame game trap. So I look for real life examples all the time, Clint of people who have asked those better questions whether they know it or not. Now, Jacob does not probably know QBQ. But he was practicing it and I witnessed it. And here’s what happened. It was the rock bottom restaurant. And I walked in on a Thursday and it was really busy. And they had no place to put me and so they put me at the bar. And I was sitting at the bar waiting to be waiting on and they were just very chaotic and busy that day, and I wasn’t getting much attention. Then all of a sudden, the young man runs by me heading right into the kitchen carrying a big tray of dirty dishes. And he just stops I’ll never forget, he kind of looked out of the corner of his eye and he turned he said, Sir, have you been helped? And I said, No, not yet. And I’m kind of in a hurry so I can help you. What would you like I said, Oh, just chef salad and a roll. And he said, What would you like to drink? I said, I have a Diet Coke. Oh, I’m sorry, sir. We only sell Pepsi products. And I said, No, thanks. I have water and lemon. He says great. So he takes off and a few minutes later, he’s back and he brings the salad. He brings their own water, the lemon and I say thank you. And he says You’re welcome. And he’s gone. And here’s a key point, I was completely satisfied Clint. He didn’t need to go the extra mile, I still would have walked out of there with positive feelings towards this organization. But suddenly, I feel the wind of enthusiasm blowing behind my back alarm, long arm of service stretches over my shoulders, and lightning speed on those places right next to my plate, a 20 ounce bottle of Diet Coke. Just what I’d ask for. Thank you. You’re welcome. He takes off my first thought hire him. And I don’t care if he went to college. I want to hire character over credentials. And so I called him over and I said, I thought you didn’t have Coke products. He said we don’t. I said, Well, where did this country from? He said grocery store around the corner. You’re kidding. I said who paid for it? He said Oh, I did, sir. Just $1 out of my tip money. Very, very shrewd salesperson now. And I said, Wait a minute. You’ve been busy. How did you have time to go get it? I’ll never forget, he straightens and he smiles and he points you know, he points. He says, Oh, I didn’t go get it, sir. I sent my manager. I mean, how many of us would like to send our manager somewhere on some days? I set my manager. I said, why? Now? He looks a little disappointed. He said I’m sorry, sir. Didn’t you want one? Oh, wow. That’s service. The customer wanted this. You didn’t offer it. You found a way to get it to him. That’s That’s great. I mean, it’s only a diet coke but it was a it’s a metaphor for going the extra mile doing something right? For the customer doing going above and beyond, it was soon time to leave. When I came back, I asked for him his name was Jacob Miller. And the hostess says to me, I’m sorry, Jacob is no longer and right then I thought, Oh, don’t tell me you lost a guy. And this is the key to the message we teach at QBQ, the question behind the question. I’m thinking, don’t tell me you lost a guy who did not say, When are we going to get more help around here? Why don’t I get more training? Why do we have to go through all this change? When is the customer going to learn to read the menu? Why can’t my co workers do their job, right? Or you lost a guy who did not point at me sitting at the bar and say, well, not my problem, not my department, not my job. So I’m thinking all this you lost a guy who didn’t ask lousy questions that take us to blame. You lost someone who just stopped and said, How can I help you, sir? What can I do to solve the problem? How can I contribute? I didn’t say all that to her. Of course, our brains move very quickly. Let’s go back. I said one for Jacob Miller section, please. And she said, I’m sorry, Jacob is no longer. And I thought all that stuff. But then I stopped and I said, Oh, don’t tell me you lost him. And she said, Oh, no, sir. We didn’t lose him. We promoted him to management. And of course, I’m thinking, Man, what a waste. Now he’s a manager. Now he’s got the big title. But I’ve told that story a long time. And people remember it, because it was someone who went out of their way. They went above and beyond they went the extra mile. They could have said, you know, why is this happening? When are others going to get their job done correctly? Why don’t we get more support from management, but he just said, What can I do right now to solve the problem. And he solved the problem. So that’s personal accountability. And that’s what we teach at QBQ.

Clint Murphy  06:54

And so before we jump into the question behind the question, or QBQ, you highlighted some of the things that people will often throw out. And often it can start up in our own mind, let’s call that is in the Eastern world, they like to refer to that as the monkey mind and it often raises questions and spins negative thoughts, which are almost always wrong. And that leads to what you call IQs. Right? The IQ that the listeners probably thinking of, so kind of take them through, you know, the downside, what are these IQs that lead us to the blame side of things. And then we’ll dive into the QBQs and how we get to the positive side of things.

John G. Miller  07:37

Thanks, Clint. Good question. Let me give your listeners a little history because we need to know where the material came from. I went to Cornell University, you know, Ivy League, upstate New York, where my dad was the wrestling coach, I didn’t get this at Cornell, there are a lot of authors out there that talk about leadership. I didn’t steal this from another author. I’m sitting in 10,000 hours of workshops, from 1986 to 1995. with really good people running companies, and I’m listening, and I didn’t know I was listening, of course, it took a few years for me to catch on that I was beginning to hear a pattern. And the pattern were externally focused questions, questions that focused on other people that I can’t change, or environments or situations, I couldn’t control questions like, and I mentioned some of them in the story. Why do we have to go through all this change? When is someone going to train me? Who dropped the ball? Who missed the deadline? Who hired these people away? I did. Why don’t we get more tools to do our job? When will we get better systems? I was hearing these externally focused questions. And I finally figured out there was a pattern and a tone to them. And the tone was, I’m not accountable. We would ask groups, what’s your biggest problem here? And they always came out with the C word not change, not confusion, not competition, they always came out with communication. And it was always in this context, why don’t they communicate better? When will they communicate more effectively? Why don’t others understand me? Why don’t others listen to me more effective or better? So I had a pattern, externally focused questions. And I realized they began with why and when and who. So one day, I went to a group, St. Jude Medical, they make heart valves in St. Paul, Minnesota, and I taught them this little idea. I said, let’s turn the question around. So instead of asking, why do we have to go through all this change? Let’s ask what can I do to adapt today? Instead of asking, When are they going to train me? Let’s ask how can I develop myself? Instead of asking, When will that department do its job? Right? How about asking what can I do to be my best today? And I’m teaching it and very quickly it got labeled the question behind the question. And I honestly to this day, don’t remember who first shortened it to an acronym QBQ. I was just smart enough to trademark it. QBQ, and I was off and running, because I came back to St. Jude Medical a few months later, and they were using it. And, Clint, if you know much about the learning and training business, which I know you do, 90% of the stuff that’s taught out there is never applied. People leave a session, they go, Oh, that felt great. But they go right back to work. Yeah, it’s all forgotten. Nothing’s applied, but QBQ was remembered by people. And so this was the mid 90s. And I was, for a while I kind of thought it I need to teach the seven steps to trust building and the nine characteristics of leadership. But you know that that stuff’s out there. But nobody had heard about this QBQ before. They were all remembering it. So I kind of reshaped my career and based it on QBQ, and personal accountability. And it became a tool to help people eliminate three traps blame victim thinking and procrastination. And we can explore those if you’d like. But that’s where it came from. And that’s what it sounds like avoiding externally focused questions, which we call IQs incorrect questions, and ask every question behind the question. Good stuff.

Clint Murphy  11:05

And I heard a couple of guidelines in there that I really want to focus in on and get you to expand on how you got there. And how just simple little shift does it and so what I was hearing was, we replace why, when and who? With what or how, right. And we take out you or they and replace it with I? Yep. So instead of why do they? How can I?

John G. Miller  11:37

Right? Big difference? Big difference? Thank you. The reason I think it works so well is as humans, nobody likes to be told, Clint you need to be more accountable, Clint, you’re not responsible. But the minute I see a way to bring the focus back to what can I do, it actually feels very good. It releases or reduces my stress, because it is very stressful to wonder why doesn’t Clint do his job? When is Clint going to get his act together? But the minute I say, Well, what can I do to be better today, I let go of that stuff I can’t control and there’s less stress, less anxiety, and I can get more accomplished. So the guidelines make a difference. It makes it very practical for people I am a trainer, and people will classify me and now my daughter Kristen, who’s 40. She’s out there teaching QBQ now for the past 15 years, they people will sometimes classify us as motivational speakers, no motivation will come when you have a tool to use to solve problems. Fine. Call us that if you want. But we really our teachers and trainers have an idea. And so if I ask a question that begins with what or how contains the word I and focuses on action, then I can bust those three taps out of my life blame victim thinking, procrastination. And the key to this methodology is I say, I learned it I read the book right here a presentation by John or Kristen or whatever, I listened to this, this podcast, I go back to a meeting and I’ll hear people say things like, well, when is management going to give us the vision? And all of a sudden I go, Wait a minute, that’s the wrong question. What can I do to be more productive? today? We’ll hear somebody say, Well, why don’t they give us more budget money? Well, how can I achieve with the money in the budget and the tools I already have? It’s a whole different way of focusing each day on the world and myself. And all of a sudden, I’ll hear everything differently. I’ll hear everybody else pointing fingers. And I’ll start to say, well, what can I do to help solve this problem? It’s just a really fun way to live life personal accountability. 

Clint Murphy  13:37

And part of what that comes down to is the recognition that everything we do is a choice. And so that’s one thing you see with a lot of people is they don’t think they have choices in life. So well, this is my job, or this is my relationship. But well, you choose that job, you can leave sure you might not have money coming in. But that’s still a choice you’re making. You’re choosing the relationship, you can leave sure there are repercussions, but you’re choosing. So how important is it to recognize that everything we do is our choice.

John G. Miller  14:14

It’s incredibly powerful, because as long as I think I have to do something, I am a victim, my mentor 30 years ago, used to say, I don’t even have to pay my taxes. And then he would pause and say, I just don’t like the consequences if I don’t. I’m choosing to pay my taxes. I remember years ago having this debate with a woman over dinner, my wife and I went out with another couple and the woman was saying, Oh, that’s not true. I have to do the laundry. I said no, you don’t, you and your husband could smell funny forever. You don’t have to do your laundry. It’s everything is a choice. What’s exciting about that simple concept is the minute I realize I don’t have to do something but I choose to. I just feel better, less stress, less anxiety, more freedom. It’s volition, my own will I’m doing things on my own. Well, it doesn’t mean I don’t serve people. Doesn’t mean I don’t give in or my wife wants to go somewhere. I don’t really want to I choose to go, Okay, fine. I choose to go. But I’m no longer thinking I have to go. So choices are very powerful. And QBQ is all about choices, we actually define it as a tool for people to practice personal accountability by making better choices in the moment. And, and that’s the key all day long, Clint, I am making choices. And now here’s the key, what am I choosing, I am not choosing my next action that for some organizations get off track, they talk about best practices, we should be talking about best thinking because long before choosing an action, or even in any motion, I am choosing a thought. So if I think you know, Clint, just a bad guy, that that’s going to bring emotions to me that I don’t need and maybe behaviors that are negative. But if I think let me learn about clips, let me study Clint, let me get the trust clear. Let me get to know Clint. My thoughts will bring me better emotions and more effective actions. So everything begins right here with a thought and choices and thoughts are synonyms. They are the same thing. And QBQ helps me make better choices. So instead of I saw you chuckle at this one, when are they going to give us the vision? I love that people standing around and always organization saying I cannot be productive until I have a vision. Wait a man, do your job. Do your job. So instead of being cynical, which is a real cancer in organizations, instead of being cynical, why doesn’t management give us them? The vision? Why is management doing this to us again? Well, what can I do to be my best today? How can I serve my colleagues? What can I do to understand what my boss needs? The minute I asked those better questions, thinking emotions, behaviors, everything’s more positive. 

Clint Murphy  17:04

And a big one you’ve mentioned a few times is this idea of victimhood. And maybe could you contrast victimhood or the victim mindset that a lot of people have with the idea of the No excuses, military style, and I loved that you contrast that someone in the book that left the military, and they went from that no excuses military style, quickly to civilian life, we’ll call it, pick the mindset until, until they realize through QBQ that they had shifted from the military style to the victim mindset.

John G. Miller  17:44

Let me just say, Clint, you have truly read the book, and I’m honored. Thank you. You have done your homework. I’ve been interviewed by other people who never got to the book. So they just asked me a lot of questions. But you’re challenging me because you know the material. I’m impressed. All these traps merged together. I mean, if I, if I think I’m a victim, then I’m going to make excuses. Well, I can’t, let’s just take sales. I am a salesperson. I’ve been selling stuff since 1986. When I was 28. If I think I can’t sell today, because our prices are too high. The competition has better advertising, my territory stinks. My boss doesn’t coach me. My customers don’t return my calls. Okay. Those are a bunch of excuses. They put me in a victim mode. I’m now feeling sorry for myself. I’m having a pity party that leads to procrastination, and not taking action. I’m not making calls anymore. I’m not getting out of sales meetings. So it’s all very messy in some sense of victim thinking and excuses and, and delaying action, procrastination, that they all kind of merge together. We just segment them in the book in our teaching so we can really focus on am I playing victim I spoke at my alma mater just a few years ago, Cornell, I was asked I’m in my 60s I was asked Clint to come to come speak to a bunch of 20 year olds in 2021. About countability. Think about that just for a minute, if you know much about what’s going on in college campuses. I saw I spent 40 minutes talking to 120 year olds about accountability. And a young man came up to me and he actually, I’ll keep this short. He’s finally helped me understand what he was frustrated with. He did not feel he could not play victim because the entire culture of the campus was victim. I’m offended. Nobody does enough for me. My parents didn’t support me enough. My professors are too hard on my papers. He literally was trying to say his name was Gabriel. Mr. Miller, I like what I heard. I don’t know how to practice it because my friends won’t buy into it. And that’s the power of group think you would know that. So if we’re in a group and an organization One where there’s a lot of victim thinking going on a lot of a lot of cynicism, a lot of finger pointing, well, we have a choice, we can leave that organization. Or we can simply rise above and say, Well, I’m done with all that, what can I do today to be my best. So it’s very difficult for some people culturally to get out of victim thinking. But the minute they learn to BQ in those three guidelines, they can start doing it that day. I’ve had people go home from sessions, Clint, and email me at midnight and say, Oh, my gosh, it works. I’ve been really frustrated with my 16 year old son recently, and I’ve been yelling at him and blaming them and complaining about him. And I went home and I said, Seth, what can I do to be a better dad today, and we had the best talk ever. So QBQ, very practical stuff. 

Clint Murphy  20:45

Important one, you just said that right there. When you were talking about the organization, you said, I can either jump on board and I can believe or I can leave? Can you dive into that? Because that simple three word, statement, believe or leave, I love to how that resonated when I read the book. And where do you see that come into play most often?

 

John G. Miller  21:05

No. First of all, I don’t say it lightly. It is in the book. It’s also in our other book outstanding, where we expand on it, the book titled outstanding, believe or leave, and that just came from, excuse me, years of me doing all this training. And you know, I go out in the hallway, or I go into the restroom. And people would privately complain to me about management, or their co workers, or the company. And we spent half a day writing a mission statement or a vision statement back in the 90s, when that was kind of a hot thing to do. And no problem. And people would come in out in the hallway and say, well, we can’t live that mission. That’s not us. That didn’t describe us a bit, that’ll never work. And I’m sitting there thinking, Well, then why are you here? You know, the average man dies at 78. Do you want to spend the next 40 years unhappy, and for you know, women too. Do you want to spend the next few decades working for a company that (A) you don’t believe in, (B) you don’t believe in the people around you (C)see, you don’t believe in the products and services you’re creating each day. So believe or leave came from those experiences. And I and I don’t say it lightly, Clint, you know, some people have mortgages to pay. Some people have bills, we understand that. But I am convinced in what I’m about to ==say, no matter the shape of the economy in Canada or the US. Organizations are always looking for really top notch people who will practice personal accountability and do the job. And along with that comes things like being coachable. Being a learner being curious, you know, having energy having a heart of service, wanting to take care of people’s problems. That’s all character, punctuality still counts. But organizations are always still looking for those top notch accountable individuals, even in tough times. So believe it or leave if you’re not believing in what you’re doing, man, get out. See, I did it. After five years, with a big company. I was just unhappy. And it’s not the company’s fault. It was an organization with 100,000 employees that probably had a need to be a bigger fish in a smaller pond. I was a nobody. But more importantly, I sat at a desk eight to five did not enjoy the work. Somebody once said to me, why don’t you get into sales? I said, No, not me. I could never sell well. Next thing I knew I was out doing interviews and selling myself. And then I found a career selling training and everything just took off from there. So I had lost belief. And I did leave. 

Clint Murphy  23:37

John, I want to ask a question. That brings me back to my childhood. Both our dads had an impact on us on these ones. Yours on beat the ref and mine on, he would always emphasize, I would always tell him I needed a new hockey stick. And he would say, you know, a good player doesn’t blame the stick. Oh, you talk about you know, a poor X blames the Y. So I didn’t realize my dad was practicing QBQ as the child. Why? Because everyone always looked to that something. And how is that a differentiator for us?

John G. Miller  24:16

It’s a human thing, Clint. It’s a human thing. You know, in the book of Genesis, somebody blamed the snake. Blame has been around for forever, if we could just find a reason why I missed the deadline, didn’t complete the project, didn’t make the sale, had a bad year, my marriage fell apart, whatever. It just feels good to say well, it wasn’t my fault. And I think that’s all it comes down to. Yeah, my dad as the Cornell wrestling coach taught me what your father was teaching you. He would say no matter the score at the end of that match, do not blame the referee. And I remember thinking well, Dad what if I only lost by a point and the human being in black and white made some questionable calls. He’d always say well, could you have scored five more points? Could you have taken your opponent down two more times and scored four more points? He always, always focused me on what I did that night on the mat and never blamed the official. And that is exactly the same as what your wonderful father taught you stop blaming the stick. And fact that’s similar to that what we teach in QBQ and I mentioned it earlier, sometimes people will say, Well, why don’t we get more tools? When are we going to get better computers? Why don’t we get more staff? When are we going to get better systems? Well, it’s amazing, but successful people just tend to get the job done with the tools they already have. There is a quote in the QBQ book from Deb Weber, who years ago said to me, it’s a funny thing about this tools and the systems and resources thing every time I just get the job done at State Farm with the tools I have, I am then given more tools. So what she was saying instead of whining about what she lacked, she would go hit the goal with the stuff she had and management would say, Wow, here’s some more stuff to hit bigger goals. It’s all about attitude and the way I think. Good stuff.

Clint Murphy  26:01

So let’s wrap up the book with how would you differentiate and I appreciated how you did this. Between the letter of QBQ in the spirit of QBQ.

John G. Miller  26:12

Hey, rules are great, but sometimes they’re meant to be bent, or maybe even broken. But the guidelines of the QBQ you know, begins with wonder how, contains an I, focuses on action. We have to understand the spirit there, the spirit is service accountability, getting things done, achieving goals solving problems. I could make a QBQ or excuse me, I could ask a question that begins with what are how contains an I and focuses on action? Like you know, what can I do today to help the team fail? What can I do right now to get my wife to change? I mean, both those lousy questions begin with what or how contain the word eye and focus on action. But they lacked the spirit of QBQ, which is all about changing me. That’s a really key point. If you’re wondering why the eye is in it, I’m going to tell you where that came from. Early in my career, like in the mid 90s. I was just developing QBQ, I was out teaching it. And I hadn’t even figured this quite yet. I was walking around in a discussion group, I taught some QBQ stuff, accountability and some client of all people, a client looked up at me and he said, Do you realize all the questions you just gave us have an I in them? And I remember thinking, Oh, they do? Of course I pretended like I knew that. I said, Oh yeah, yeah, they do. They all have an I on them. Well, that’s where that came from. Unless I put the pronoun I in it. I’m gonna focus on we I can’t change the we, they, I can’t change they, or them. But if it says what can I do? It makes me focus on the only person I can change. And that’s John Miller. 

Clint Murphy  27:50

Beautiful. I love that as a way to wrap up the book. Do you have time for rapid fire questions?

John G. Miller  27:55

Oh, absolutely Clint. Man, I got all the time you need. 

Clint Murphy  27:58

All right, what’s one book that’s had a significant impact on your life? 

John G. Miller  28:03

You won’t even believe it. Probably The Law of Success, written in the 20s by Napoleon Hill, who wrote, okay, Think and Grow Rich. We had it in my office here. It’s upstairs in my bedroom. But it’s about this thick. It’s leather bound. It was written 100 years ago, and it just teaches solid core concepts like the dangers of being in debt. Something like you look at our society today. Everybody’s in debt. And a lot of speakers like a guy like Dave Ramsey, you know, they, they have a lot of fans because they say debt is dumb. Get out of debt. Well, 100 years ago, Napoleon Hill was saying stay out of debt. So Law of Success. very out. It’s not a book, I’d recommend you go try to find but it’s just a book that made a real big difference for me. 

Clint Murphy  28:52

Oh, I love that. And what’s on your bookshelf right now? What are you trying to take down at the moment? 

John G. Miller  28:57

Well, if you look over there, which you can see I’ve got all my own books. Is that narcissistic. It’s funny, I’m not much of a reader. But I am a student of what’s going on in the world. So I skim headlines, I look for examples of victim thinking entitlement finger pointing and blame. And then I do a lot of social media work. So my wife will say, why don’t you read more, I’ll say I don’t know. It just doesn’t interest me. But I’m always taking in something that’s going on out there. So I can tie it to QBQ, push it back out in the marketplace, and maybe help some people practice accountability to a greater degree. 

Clint Murphy  29:35

Love it. What’s one thing that John has spent less than $1,000 on in the last 12 to 18 months that’s made you say, Wow, I wish I’d bought this sooner.

John G. Miller  29:46

Can you say a new grandchild because they just keep coming? We have 14 grandkids.

Clint Murphy  29:52

That’s a win. Oh my God, that’s a win right there in itself.

John G. Miller  29:56

We have 14 grandkids What have I bought for less than $1,000. There’s probably some technical toy, some little, I recently bought a monocular. You know what a monocular is right? It’s half of a binoculars. Yeah, it’s just it’s a one eyed thing. And I’ve always wanted monocular I don’t know why it and I’m not even sure if it’s supposed to be put on binoculars, but I bought one on Amazon a few weeks ago and my wife will say, what are you doing? And I’ll say, Well, I’m just spying on people. I thought why did I buy all of it? Why did I buy one before? 

Clint Murphy  30:27

It’s like the old is the old eyeglass to look just one out of one eye.

John G. Miller  30:33

Coincidentally, I’ll just tell your fans here that it’s made by Vortex which happens to be a QBQ client and I just ordered it off Amazon and when it got to me, I go, Oh my gosh, that’s made by one of our clients, Vortex, good stuff. 

Clint Murphy  30:45

Oh, beautiful. Because the shows about growth, learning development. What’s one behavior mindset shift or habit that’s had an oversized impact on you in your life, John?

John G. Miller  30:58

Are you asking me what have I changed? Sure. Okay. I mean, I am if you know, Myers Briggs, I’m an ESTJ, if you know, styles material from the 90s, or the 80s. I’m a driver analytical. I am a guy who wants to take charge. I’m an Enneagram, eight, some of your fans might know what the Enneagram and Enneagram eight, if you ever look it up, but bottom line, they want to be in charge. So my natural tendency is to be the boss. The learning area, the growth for me has been to let go and let others and that’s been something that’s been a lifelong journey for me. To, to in fact it even it’s in QBQ, the ultimate QBQ, how can I let go of what I can’t control? That’s a powerful question. How can I let go of what I can’t control? And that is the number one growth area all my life since I was just a kid, how can I stop trying to change what I can’t change? How can I let go of what I can’t control? How can I stop trying to fix people and just work on me? Now with seven kids all in their 20s and 30s and 40s. They’ll bring us problems. They’ll bring us marital stuff, though. They’re all married, who bring us frustrations. And Karen and I have both learned we can give advice. But then we have to let go. We can’t make our offspring do anything that we’ve suggested. We think we have great wisdom, Clint, because we’re boomers. And sometimes the younger people just don’t listen to us. And we have to let go. So that’s been a growth area for me all my life.

Clint Murphy  32:23

I love that one. And, John, we went pretty deep and wide on the book. Is there anything we didn’t hit that you want to make sure you leave the listeners with today?

John G. Miller  32:35

I appreciate that. I did just touch on it. But I think it’s always worth almost wrapping up with it. For your listeners, your fans, your viewers, they should be asking as I do, who have I been trying to fix often in code. A long time ago, a guy in a session I was walking around another discussion crowd I was doing a workshop on QBQ and I remember he said to his group, he says, I’m not trying to change my wife. I’m not trying to change her. I just wish she would set more long term goals. Well, that was his way in his mind helping her but he was just trying to change her. So if I’m a parent, I would look at what child I’ve been trying to change and ask what can I do to be a better mom or dad? If I’m married, have a you know, a special friend? What can I do to support this person? How can I accept them love them just as they are identify who you had been trying to fix, which is a euphemism for change? Who have you been trying to change today? Let it go and ask how can I change me? That is the essence of QBQ.

Clint Murphy  33:35

Beautiful. And where can people find you?

John G. Miller  33:38

I always laugh at that because, you know, 20 years ago, I do interviews and we give out 800 numbers and addresses now it’s like QBQ.com. That’s it, QBQ.com. Stop by. 

Clint Murphy  33:48

Beautiful. That’s a good simple one for people to get to QPQ.com.

33:52

I was very fortunate. I got it in 1998. And I was lucky to get it and I kept it ever since.

Clint Murphy  33:58

I love it. Thank you for joining me today on the growth guide. I appreciate it.

John G. Miller  34:02

Thanks, Clint. It’s been fun.